Week 18 - UK

The week started with Cecilie being here the first three days and Mary Ann turning 4 month Monday. The health visitor came Tuesday. Mary Ann’s mental development is like a 4 month old but her physical is like a baby at 2 month. That is typical premature babies. That means that Mary Ann is “right after the book”. I was pleased that Mary Ann was right awake when the health Visitor was here. And so was Nina. She had been thinking that Mary Ann should bee ready to talk and play some now. And so she was our wonder girl – of curse. She has a weight on 3555g now.
The following days we truly saw a development with Mary Ann. She is right awake the most of the day ready to talk, cuddle and play. I have enjoyed many moments with her playing in the new high playpen. Mary Ann and I went to the library to find some baby music. So we heard different cd’s in the playpen and I made gymnastic/massage/cuddling with her. She smiled back at me as never before. Those smiles made me continue the following days. You live and breathe for these smiles as a parent. I love the fact that I can do these things with her now. In the same time I found a way to do it without getting pain. I can’t wait for all the things I want to teach her, show her and do for her.
We tried to bring my scooter/crosser to a bigger shop nearby. It worked out fine with the auto chair attached on the back. Mary Ann glanced at all the things we passed by lying there in the back of my mini crosser in her auto chair. That was onto she suddenly screamed because she was hungry again. She was feed just before we left. But in a way it was good with her complaint. That gave me an opportunity to try out what to do sitting on the scooter with a crying baby. That was nor neither a problem. I just had her on my arm which could rest on the armrest and that was it. Neil was also next by all the time. But I did well on my own. And that was what we wanted to try out. Neil had worked hard on getting the scooter in the car. He had to unscrew the auto chair first. That is not an easy job. It will get easier now we know how to do things.
When we came home I started to feel a bit of the over-exertion pain. That is the only time the whole week. It has paid of to take more care, with having Neil to lift Mary Ann and I haven’t been out for water aerobics this week. I have even been able to sleep all the night every night this week.
Mary Ann makes bobbles with her mouth. I call them happy bobbles as they come when she giggles of excitement moving her arms and legs around as she experience something new. She got the sweetest little princess curl on top of her head now and her hair is still on the lighter site as when she was born. Her eyes are getting darker grey now. We wonder if they turn out brown like ours or blue as Neil hopes.
Is there such a thing as love management course? I could in deed need one. I’m totally aware of how much love I have for Neil and Cecilie. Now the love for Mary Ann is coming sneaking in on me increasable more and more for every day. How will it end?
Cecilie said one day: “Are you not happy to have become a mummy? Now you can kiss Mary Ann as much as you like since I’m too big for that now”. Yes, I’m happy but also scared about it. What to do when Mary Ann gets too big? I do understand the parents how have difficulties to let the kids move away. Right now though, Mary Ann is just a baby and she can’t get enough love and affection. Luckily for me. I guess the baby stage is good for me in that direction. I wonder if that is what all the baby commotion is all about? Is that why so many women loves babies? As explained before I have never had the desire for having a baby as such more having a child. Maybe because I didn’t understand the “love possibilities” in it. I don’t know what to do with all my love. I can care for her, give her attention and love. And still I have all these hugs and kisses ready. Sometimes the poor Mary Ann looks like she didn’t know what had hit her. Then I simply have to give Neil all the hugs which are left inside me. I presume I’m trying myself to make some kind of love management.

I’m surprised how easy it all comes to me. I have no experience with child care except for with Cecilie who was four years old when I meet her. So everything regarding child care under that age I simply do by intuition. The funny thing is that up to now I have always known what to do in certain situations. As the other day where I started singing with her, keeping eye contact, making funny faces, new sounds with my mouth and move her around a bit like gymnastic, curdle her and give her slight massage. The day after, I found a little booklet describing exactly these things to do with your baby. When friends have said that I would be a good mom, I only believed that could be 90% correct. Now I believe that 100%. I’m born to become a mum. I love every minute and strongly believe that no one else could be such a good mum to Mary Ann as I can. I’m totally utterly in love with this adorable, strong, cute, perfect little human being.

I want the world to see how wonderful she is. One of my friends who live close by is coming today to see her for the first time. I look forward for that. And tomorrow we will go to a Wine and Dine Fair with some new Danish/British friends. Besides that it is a nice quiet weekend. We love when we have this mixture in the weekends: being with friends but also time alone.
In spite of my eagerness to show my family all my love, I also need to be left alone once in awhile. In the night I don’t like Neil to lye too close to me, I want to be on my own writing blog and I enjoy going out on my scooter on my own. I revitalize my batteries and besides the mentioned situations I’m always energetically ready to exist!

Week 17 - UK

Long time no see – or no writing. I didn’t know how to put it or if I should write about this at all. But here it comes. It has been an awful start of the week. I have been in such a pain I can’t describe. I can explain about 8-10 different kind of rheumatism pain but this is so different. In a way it has nothing to do with the rheumatism and yet it has anyway. Sometimes I fell that everything has to do with my rheumatism. And it also has to act on my daily life with Mary Ann and how to deal with her and her needs. That is why I do write about it now. My whole intension with this blog is to record our daily life for my own shake, Mary Ann’s and for others if anyone else can benefit from my experience or like to follow Mary Ann’s development.
Now I think this heavy pain comes from my muscles. And it is because of lifting Mary Ann. It can last for hours and hours and it seems as nothing can ease it. It goes on and on. I find it difficult that I can’t do anything to improve it. And the fact that it ruins the next couple of days as well after a night like this one the night between Monday and Tuesday is bad enough. That it also ruins my possibilities to handle Mary Ann every day is really irritating me. Especially because I can lift her, change her and things like that. But I have to leave Neil to do it because that is what makes this pain comes back. Next to that I have things that I can not do. Therefore it is especially irritating not to be “allowed” to do what I can.
The week ended with me being with my psychical therapist. That changed some things for me because she came with different good ideas in how to handle the pain and how to prevent it being so heavy. That has totally changed my perspectives. Now I’m not so nervous anymore for it to come back.
Mary Ann has gone through a good development the last week. She has swiftly grown out for five different jumpsuits. She is so much more awake throughout the day and much more curious. So we have now introduced her for her mobile. She gazes for hours at this mobile. She has also developed at bad habit of eating small portions all the way through the night. So now we try to feed her more, make more funny faces and sounds with her, read and play music and things like that to keep her awake in the daytime. We hope that will make her sleep more in the night again as we were use to. Cecilie play music for her as well. Cecilie got a new mobile phones which she takes with her everywhere even at the toilet if I can’t help it. I like her to try and separate from it once in a while when we eat, when she goes to sleep and when she has friends over. The good thing about it as that I always know where Cecilie is. Mary Ann loves the phone as well or at least the tunes coming from it. Cecilie is singing along and Mary Ann pretends to sing along with her sister. She giggles and moves her arms and legs around when the music plays. We all love music here, Neil as well. Once I found him and Cecilie dancing around. Scenes like that make my heart all soft. I love when we all join up with a special thing, except once this week. Neil where vacuuming the body of Cecilie who had been very creative. She had expanded polystyrene all over the kitchen floor and her self. To my horror he also had Mary Ann on his arm in the same time. I had to rescue my baby. When I came to think of it, Neil was totally on control with things. Sometimes I forget that he can manage at lot more then I can in a physical way. He would of curse never do any harm to her. That was also why I didn’t tell him of. I just grab my baby because for me it looked a little difficult.

We have had some friends over this week as well. Suddenly our friends Rikke and Jan from Randers called if they could come by. And Friday we were on a visit at my work. That was such a good visit were we had time to chat to with most of them. I thought they didn’t have the time to chat so I was ready to leave them on their busy own way. I was very happy to see them all again and get all the good news private and work wise as they had for me. My colleagues mean the world to me.

I think we only write every week now because of Mary Ann’s increasing needs.