241208 - UK

Music and different sound are still a big hit for Mary Ann. She got some great toys from her Godmother with music:

271208 - UK

Oh my, Mary Ann is fast now. I couldn't imagine that a child could be so fast when not able to crawl. But Mary Ann is. Especially then she sees the door out to all the presents is open. See this funny video from Christmas.

181108 - UK

One year old:
She just got her first tooth on 131108. She started eating normal food already in April with small steps, but it is not before now she mainly eats food. She still has a bottle once in a while - especially during night time. She started rolling over in July/August. Now she can sit on her own for about 5-10 minutes before she falls over. She loves to lie on her tummy playing with toys. Her favorite is everything with sounds. She has a lot of rhythm. As soon as the melody goes on she starts jumping and waving with arms and legs. She is joyful, harmonic and easy going. Her strong will she helping her in her development. That will bring her closer to the average skills of her age. This still needs some. She is eager to learn new things. When she is introduced to exercises which is a challenge to her body she get a bit annoyed but continues. We
She loves going the day nursery. We are more challenged as parents now in the weekends to keep her occupied. In the same time things can get a little too much for her. She is good to letting us know she wants some peace again. We have learnt to pack all our things right away so we are ready to hurry home, when she asks us to.
She can now sit a special chair with us at the dinner table. That makes life easier. She can also be placed in a shopping trolley – that is even better. She finds it more interesting to go shopping now. Particularly in these days with all the Christmas decorations, lights and big red balls!
Wonder what she says about all the Christmas presents or should I say Christmas light and ribbons?

300608 - UK

Enjoying my four weeks at home alone with Mary Ann. What a great possibility. Neil has started work last week and a new daily life has started for us all enjoying every moment of it.
Mary Ann is now 8 month old. She is a little more premature sensitive so we have to guard her from too many impressions. But it is easy to hear when things are getting too much for her. The main thing is that she is such a happy, harmonious, at ease little girl.
We expect her to have some problems regarding starting in daycare centre in August therefore we are making an application for an assistant educator. The physic therapist who now comes to see Mary Ann each week has caused this idea. The health visitor also approves of this idea. We feel comfortable about it as we try to reassure ourselves that this only will be temperately. She will catch up eventually.
We are preparing her for a new life in our newly bought caravan. We will take the caravan on holiday in few weeks but not to England when we visit Neil’s family in July. We have been out with the caravan for the last couple of weekends. Mary Ann sleeps as well in that as in our house. She is indeed a great girl!

Week 23-26 - UK

Mary Ann has turned 6 months. I can’t believe that time has gone so quickly. I remember when she still was hospitalized I was thinking about those big kids on visit at the ward with their parents as if it was yesterday. Now we have just been there ourselves last week. Mary Ann is official now one of the big kids. You can also see how quickly times fly for me now in the blog. I don’t write as often any more. I think I will stick to pictures and occasionally few words about her development.

Mary Ann is getting bigger and bigger; clothes are getting too small and she getting heavier. She is now measured 4600g and 62 cm long. Next time the Health Visitor comes it will be for talking spoon food. Oh no is my little baby really ready for that? I try to think for her as a small girl now not a baby anymore. She is in the age where she no longer can be called a baby. I have now put a side all her smallest clothes. She does still fit few pieces in size 44. But I structured size 50-56 for her now in her drawers. We will bend the sleeves and then she wears her “bigger girl” clothes just fine. I’m eager to use some of all the beautiful English clothes we got for her. It would be a shame if we didn’t had the opportunities to use them. Consequently she will be wearing pretty dresses every day for some time now. There’s a huge difference between the Danish and English clothes which we have the benefit of in these days. I have also sorted all the Kurdish clothes from our close friends. That will mainly be what she is going to wear in the future. We got it all from their daughter so we don’t need to buy anything really except shoes or maybe few body stockings.
All this sorting out is because I expect to start work very soon now. Today we are pretending I’m at work and then Neil is having a chance to see how he take care of Mary Ann the hole day while doing different household tasks.

It was in last weekend Mary Ann made her first real laughter. She chuckled – the sweetest sound I have ever heard!!! First she did it while her Godmother and I stood round her. And the next day she did it again while my mum and I stood round her. That was on her Christening day. The fun part was that both times it was when I made some of the sounds I have done so many times before. Until now she hasn’t done it again since. I hope I didn’t scare her when I stared crying my eyes out when I heard the sugary sound of her laughter.

The Christening went so well. We had the pleasure of having Granny and Granddad here a week a head or almost here the whole week. In the weekend both Neil’s brothers joined us. They didn’t sleep over but at the local Inn. That worked out well. I think that it also was nice for them to have a quiet place in the evening. They were here throughout the day and working in the garden off curse. It was a great help for Neil for once having some help. Neil being in the garden made my days very busy with Mary Ann, feeding people, making room for Mary Ann’s Godmother and preparing the upcoming Christening. Godmother Nips was sleeping over from Friday to Monday. It was an unbelievable joy for me finally introducing her to Mary Ann. As she lives in Copenhagen we enjoy the few times we are together more. She took care of Mary Ann with such a love that it made it so easy for me to concentrate on the groundwork for Sunday. We couldn’t have chosen a better Godmother for Mary Ann.
Nips had some competition at the Christening brunch here after church. A lot for friends had offered their help with taking care of Mary Ann for us on the day, so we could relax with the guests. She was dressed in the Campbell dress, behaved as always nicely and took all the commotion spectacularly with smiles and giggling for all. Danish Christening site
When I woke out Monday it was with an extraordinarily affectionate and peaceful feeling inside. Life is simply (all most) too good. The all most because I think we deserve it also with her tough start in life.

Don’t worry if it’s long time since I wrote the blog. I’m sure everything will keeping on being greater then great. It is just me being busy organizing things, go to work and being a mum J

Enjoy the continuous slideshows and don’t hesitate to call or e-mail us.

Week 23 - UK

The Easter was here and all the days were spent in the house. So we had some undisturbed days. Mary Ann had her five months DTaP-IPV-Hib vaccination, the same as when she was 3 months. The strange thing is that this time she got a little temperature the next day after the vaccination. I gather that was why. So she eats a little less and we sat by her and tried to comfort her. The doctor appointment was a little different this time. The doctor made some examination of Mary Ann. Everything was fine. She asked us a couple of times if we had any questions. But is hard to think of any when everything goes so well. Luckily for us. Now Mary Ann was weighted to 4065g and is 59 cm long. That means that she soon will be able to go to the local swimming pool with us. Premature babies have to be 5kg heavy before they have enough fat on their body for the swimming pool. I look very much forward because that gives me the chance to do all sorts of things with her which is not possible on land.
Mary Ann is fine again after the vaccination it was just this little temperature and a swollen thigh where it was injected. She has a little cold. I hope she didn’t get my bad immune defence. As soon as she got sick I got sick my self as well. That is not practical. It worries me a bit to think about. I normally get sick as soon as someone else around me is sick. These days I fell as if Mary Ann and I just keep on infecting each other. For the third time since she was born I’m sick with bad throat, cough, and headache and so on.
I’m trying to prepare myself to go to work soon again. I have a doctor appointment next week. I gather he can tell me more about when I will be ready. I feel less pain now both in movement and in rest. The biggest issue is that I’m awful tired and my functions still fail in the middle of lifting, walking or something like that. Sometimes I wake up with for example a wrist that hurts so much that I have to have my hand on a pillow and sit still for some hours. And then I have days with only a couple of steps I can’t take for few moments. It is odd and frustrating. But it still works out fine when Neil is around. Then he can take over where I feel insufficiently. I think the biggest issue for me is that it is dangerous for me to lift Mary Ann in some situations. It is difficult for me to let Neil lift her when I’m able. But it needs to be like that because what if that is in that moment where my joints don’t want to work. Then I would drop her! Then I’m an even worse mum then when I let someone else lift her up. I really have to work with this feeling. The other day someone wanted to start Mary Ann’s mobile to entertain her. I snap at the poor women because I don’t want some stranger to do anything with my child. I’m not in doubt; that is because I have some issue I have to work with. Sometimes I’m very aware of my disabilities towards taking care of Mary Ann. That irritates me. I look forward for when I can do even more with her and for her. Until then I exercise my back for it to get stronger. And I enjoy the things I AM able to do with and for her.

The development of Mary Ann - updated continuously

Week 23:
Mary Ann is making ready to lift her head. Mentally she is acting her age but her body is not as ready. She is interested in her surroundings. She likes looking at our faces and loves when our faces look funny and make sounds. She is happy and giggling. Mary Ann smiles often and seams at ease. She has quite a temper though when something is not suiting her. She “asks” for entertainment but also shows that she wants to be left alone again. Often it is after 20-30 minutes she wants a nap again. We play music, sing and make “gymnastics”. Then she waves around with her limbs and makes bobbles with her mouth. Suddenly she has a lot of things she wants to tell us. Then she “talks” and “talks”. You can see her eagerness in telling us everything she has on her mind.
She doesn’t like to lie on her sides. Therefore we train that. She has a tendency to hold her head downwards one side. In that case we fixate her differently.
She is much more awake now and she eats more often and a bigger quantity. She doesn’t want her dummy but now fancy her baby soother.
One year old:
She just got her first tooth on 131108. She started eating normal food already in April with small steps, but it is not before now she mainly eats food. She still has a bottle once in a while - especially during night time. She started rolling over in July/August. Now she can sit on her own for about 5-10 minutes before she falls over. She loves to lie on her tummy playing with toys. Her favorite is everything with sounds. She has a lot of rhythm. As soon as the melody goes on she starts jumping and waving with arms and legs. She is joyful, harmonic and easy going. Her strong will she helping her in her development. That will bring her closer to the average skills of her age. This still needs some. She is eager to learn new things. When she is introduced to exercises which is a challenge to her body she get a bit annoyed but continues. We
She loves going the day nursery. We are more challenged as parents now in the weekends to keep her occupied. In the same time things can get a little too much for her. She is good to letting us know she wants some peace again. We have learnt to pack all our things right away so we are ready to hurry home, when she asks us to.
She can now sit a special chair with us at the dinner table. That makes life easier. She can also be placed in a shopping trolley – that is even better. She finds it more interesting to go shopping now. Particularly in these days with all the Christmas decorations, lights and big red balls!
Wonder what she says about all the Christmas presents or should I say Christmas light and ribbons?


(updated 24/03/2008)

Week 22 - UK

Why is it that I feel like having a ice cream when I see one? But I don’t feel like having a baby just because of seeing one. So many other women have that sudden desire of having a little baby. Again we met a lot of other women who were totally taken by Mary Ann. They got the craving to get another baby now. I really don’t get it. Mary Ann took it nicely though with all those people who came and looked at her at Cecilie’s school party. I don’t like people to stir at her like that. So I hung a little blanket up in front of Mary Ann at her pram to give her some private time. I don’t think Mary Ann liked that, because she started screaming every time I tried to cover her a bit.

I went for curse in how to make family trees. I have started to make a very nice one for Mary Ann’s wall. When we got married I also made one for Cecilie, which she often looks at. I hope Mary Ann as well will be joyful knowing to belongs to this big and special family.

Sunday was Mary Ann’s first time on her own with a babysitter or actually two babysitters. Stinne and her sister took care of her while Neil and I played lovers. We went to the most fantastic Riverdance show! Mary Ann was so easy to take care of we were told, when we got back after 2-3 hours. Even I took it nicely. I just had to look at my mobile phone to check if they had called 4-5 times. Of curse I thought of Mary Ann all through the show but I still able to enjoy it to the fullest. It was nice to try a night on our own. I have already planned the next “Neil Tina Day” in April.

Mary Ann has a cold again like the rest of us. We just got rid of one. Urrgh. At least it’s not as poor as last time for any of us. But this time even Neil is having a bad throat.

Mary Ann went for a heart scan again. One of the two holes is totally closed now. The one that is left is almost closed. The doctor expects it to close by it self shortly. He wants to see her again in 6 months.

She has turned five months now. The Easter is on its way and time fly.

Slideshow: MAC five months old
Video: MAC snores

Week 21 - UK

Neil and I were kissing and had forgotten about Mary Ann until she made a little sound and we looked down at her. There she was smiling the biggest smile ever and giggling. As she wanted to say: I love to see my mum and dad in love.
She now eats a lot more. I feel she is eating all her waken moments now.
She is crankier now but well again now. It is like she more often tells us when she is not pleased. At least the cold is gone.

We had a great Friday evening at the parish community centre where we dined with round ten other families. We were all very kind and welcoming towards us. I hope it could be a new monthly thing for us to do as a family. Mary Ann was complaining a lot though. Normally she just sleeps all the time. But I felt she had problems to rest there so I took her out to a calmer room.

Saturday we again dined with some local people at this special event in an assembly hall where also a blues band came. It was the same situation with Mary Ann what she could settle down. So we took her out side the door next to the toilets. We had our own little party at these tables as people we didn’t know came to sit with us. So that was a great decision to sit there instead.

I think she will get problem with her second toe. It is like it curves down. That will give her a problem if she dreams of longer nails at some point.
The Health Visitor was here again. She is still pleased with Mary Ann. She weighted Mary Ann to 3750 g and measured her at 57 cm. She made different exercises with Mary Ann which went well. She told us that Mary Ann’s restlessness might be because she now understands there is a whole world around her. She wants to investigate that but gets tired in process. Being so exited around all the new things and in the same time too tired makes her uneasy. So we do as we normally do: takes her out of the noisiest room and go for a little walk.

Now I’m convinced: Mary Ann is the most beautiful baby at least of all 40 babies we met at an arrangement for mums/dads and the babies at the library. A friend of mine said that Mary Ann was distinct beautiful. I thought that was odd she could see anything of the kind in our very little baby who still was lying in an incubator with all the tubes on. But now I believe her! Mary Ann is the most beautiful of them all. Who said something about love is making blind?

The priest was here Thursday as Mary Ann got into her 22nd week. We discussed the forthcoming Christening. I was pleased to learn that we (I) could choose a hymn myself. He was also kind enough to try finding hymns which are also known in English as we did at our wedding. At that time I found three hymns which I found both the Danish and English text for so it could be song in both at the same time. That sounded splendid. I hope to get the same success again.

Special things this week:
090308 Mary Ann lifted up her head a bit so I could lift her from her bed.
100308 Mary Ann lifted up her head by her own will.

Video: MAC lifting her head

Week 20 - UK

This week is hasn’t been a nice job to watch and listen to Mary Ann. She has been sick. I hate that. It is a scary feeling not to be able to do anything for her. She had a very bad cold and her cough sounded as an old smokers.
Cecilie was sick already last week and now both Mary Ann and I and still Cecilie are sick. We have a cold with bad throat, headache, sneezing, and pain in ears. As always Neil is alright. The good thing is; Mary Ann doesn’t show a bad mood when sick. But it is funny to see Mary Ann laugh and giggling while sneezing, small red eyes and blocked nose. I had to tell her: “You know Mary Ann it is okay to be in a bad mood when you feel lousy”. I also said it while Cecilie heard it, because Cecilie surely knows how to use a bad health for an excuse of bad temper, laziness and so. When I said this to Mary Ann, Cecilie had a little smile as understanding why I said so. And then she added: “Uh no I think you Mary Ann is becoming just like your mum. Always this silly giggling even when sick and I’m mainly afraid that you will be as foolish as your mum in the morning as well”. I laughed of curse and explained that up to now, Mary Ann has become exactly as Neil has “ordered”: light girl who is very awake in the evening. So let’s see if there will be anything of me in her. In that case I would be happy to see her with a happy mind and strong willpower. That’s not the worst abilities to get. I think she already has that. Neil has long ago said he would like her to get his looks but my brains. I would rather it was the other way round.
So it has been a quiet week. We have stayed indoor and tried to be more relaxed. We have dressed Mary Ann very warm and placed a pillow under her madras to lift her heard up a bit. We have sucked some of the snot out of her nose and beside that, we couldn’t do more. We have watched her 24/7 this week. It’s not before here in the end of the week, where she is getting better now, she has slept alone at her room again. I was afraid of leaving her on her own. What if she suddenly couldn’t breathe because of the blocked nose? She hasn’t had a temperature so I was sure she should be alright again. However Neil wanted us to bring her to the doctor and so we did Thursday. Everything was fine, she just had a cold. The doctor said that Mary Ann was strong enough to cope with it herself. That was nice to hear.
Even though she still is little she is strong and healthy. We had our friend Heidi here on visit a week ago. She also noticed that Mary Ann is small as a newborn but mentally totally aware of people. She found that funny. And it is a funny mixture but very significant of how you would see Mary Ann.

Week 18 - UK

The week started with Cecilie being here the first three days and Mary Ann turning 4 month Monday. The health visitor came Tuesday. Mary Ann’s mental development is like a 4 month old but her physical is like a baby at 2 month. That is typical premature babies. That means that Mary Ann is “right after the book”. I was pleased that Mary Ann was right awake when the health Visitor was here. And so was Nina. She had been thinking that Mary Ann should bee ready to talk and play some now. And so she was our wonder girl – of curse. She has a weight on 3555g now.
The following days we truly saw a development with Mary Ann. She is right awake the most of the day ready to talk, cuddle and play. I have enjoyed many moments with her playing in the new high playpen. Mary Ann and I went to the library to find some baby music. So we heard different cd’s in the playpen and I made gymnastic/massage/cuddling with her. She smiled back at me as never before. Those smiles made me continue the following days. You live and breathe for these smiles as a parent. I love the fact that I can do these things with her now. In the same time I found a way to do it without getting pain. I can’t wait for all the things I want to teach her, show her and do for her.
We tried to bring my scooter/crosser to a bigger shop nearby. It worked out fine with the auto chair attached on the back. Mary Ann glanced at all the things we passed by lying there in the back of my mini crosser in her auto chair. That was onto she suddenly screamed because she was hungry again. She was feed just before we left. But in a way it was good with her complaint. That gave me an opportunity to try out what to do sitting on the scooter with a crying baby. That was nor neither a problem. I just had her on my arm which could rest on the armrest and that was it. Neil was also next by all the time. But I did well on my own. And that was what we wanted to try out. Neil had worked hard on getting the scooter in the car. He had to unscrew the auto chair first. That is not an easy job. It will get easier now we know how to do things.
When we came home I started to feel a bit of the over-exertion pain. That is the only time the whole week. It has paid of to take more care, with having Neil to lift Mary Ann and I haven’t been out for water aerobics this week. I have even been able to sleep all the night every night this week.
Mary Ann makes bobbles with her mouth. I call them happy bobbles as they come when she giggles of excitement moving her arms and legs around as she experience something new. She got the sweetest little princess curl on top of her head now and her hair is still on the lighter site as when she was born. Her eyes are getting darker grey now. We wonder if they turn out brown like ours or blue as Neil hopes.
Is there such a thing as love management course? I could in deed need one. I’m totally aware of how much love I have for Neil and Cecilie. Now the love for Mary Ann is coming sneaking in on me increasable more and more for every day. How will it end?
Cecilie said one day: “Are you not happy to have become a mummy? Now you can kiss Mary Ann as much as you like since I’m too big for that now”. Yes, I’m happy but also scared about it. What to do when Mary Ann gets too big? I do understand the parents how have difficulties to let the kids move away. Right now though, Mary Ann is just a baby and she can’t get enough love and affection. Luckily for me. I guess the baby stage is good for me in that direction. I wonder if that is what all the baby commotion is all about? Is that why so many women loves babies? As explained before I have never had the desire for having a baby as such more having a child. Maybe because I didn’t understand the “love possibilities” in it. I don’t know what to do with all my love. I can care for her, give her attention and love. And still I have all these hugs and kisses ready. Sometimes the poor Mary Ann looks like she didn’t know what had hit her. Then I simply have to give Neil all the hugs which are left inside me. I presume I’m trying myself to make some kind of love management.

I’m surprised how easy it all comes to me. I have no experience with child care except for with Cecilie who was four years old when I meet her. So everything regarding child care under that age I simply do by intuition. The funny thing is that up to now I have always known what to do in certain situations. As the other day where I started singing with her, keeping eye contact, making funny faces, new sounds with my mouth and move her around a bit like gymnastic, curdle her and give her slight massage. The day after, I found a little booklet describing exactly these things to do with your baby. When friends have said that I would be a good mom, I only believed that could be 90% correct. Now I believe that 100%. I’m born to become a mum. I love every minute and strongly believe that no one else could be such a good mum to Mary Ann as I can. I’m totally utterly in love with this adorable, strong, cute, perfect little human being.

I want the world to see how wonderful she is. One of my friends who live close by is coming today to see her for the first time. I look forward for that. And tomorrow we will go to a Wine and Dine Fair with some new Danish/British friends. Besides that it is a nice quiet weekend. We love when we have this mixture in the weekends: being with friends but also time alone.
In spite of my eagerness to show my family all my love, I also need to be left alone once in awhile. In the night I don’t like Neil to lye too close to me, I want to be on my own writing blog and I enjoy going out on my scooter on my own. I revitalize my batteries and besides the mentioned situations I’m always energetically ready to exist!

Week 17 - UK

Long time no see – or no writing. I didn’t know how to put it or if I should write about this at all. But here it comes. It has been an awful start of the week. I have been in such a pain I can’t describe. I can explain about 8-10 different kind of rheumatism pain but this is so different. In a way it has nothing to do with the rheumatism and yet it has anyway. Sometimes I fell that everything has to do with my rheumatism. And it also has to act on my daily life with Mary Ann and how to deal with her and her needs. That is why I do write about it now. My whole intension with this blog is to record our daily life for my own shake, Mary Ann’s and for others if anyone else can benefit from my experience or like to follow Mary Ann’s development.
Now I think this heavy pain comes from my muscles. And it is because of lifting Mary Ann. It can last for hours and hours and it seems as nothing can ease it. It goes on and on. I find it difficult that I can’t do anything to improve it. And the fact that it ruins the next couple of days as well after a night like this one the night between Monday and Tuesday is bad enough. That it also ruins my possibilities to handle Mary Ann every day is really irritating me. Especially because I can lift her, change her and things like that. But I have to leave Neil to do it because that is what makes this pain comes back. Next to that I have things that I can not do. Therefore it is especially irritating not to be “allowed” to do what I can.
The week ended with me being with my psychical therapist. That changed some things for me because she came with different good ideas in how to handle the pain and how to prevent it being so heavy. That has totally changed my perspectives. Now I’m not so nervous anymore for it to come back.
Mary Ann has gone through a good development the last week. She has swiftly grown out for five different jumpsuits. She is so much more awake throughout the day and much more curious. So we have now introduced her for her mobile. She gazes for hours at this mobile. She has also developed at bad habit of eating small portions all the way through the night. So now we try to feed her more, make more funny faces and sounds with her, read and play music and things like that to keep her awake in the daytime. We hope that will make her sleep more in the night again as we were use to. Cecilie play music for her as well. Cecilie got a new mobile phones which she takes with her everywhere even at the toilet if I can’t help it. I like her to try and separate from it once in a while when we eat, when she goes to sleep and when she has friends over. The good thing about it as that I always know where Cecilie is. Mary Ann loves the phone as well or at least the tunes coming from it. Cecilie is singing along and Mary Ann pretends to sing along with her sister. She giggles and moves her arms and legs around when the music plays. We all love music here, Neil as well. Once I found him and Cecilie dancing around. Scenes like that make my heart all soft. I love when we all join up with a special thing, except once this week. Neil where vacuuming the body of Cecilie who had been very creative. She had expanded polystyrene all over the kitchen floor and her self. To my horror he also had Mary Ann on his arm in the same time. I had to rescue my baby. When I came to think of it, Neil was totally on control with things. Sometimes I forget that he can manage at lot more then I can in a physical way. He would of curse never do any harm to her. That was also why I didn’t tell him of. I just grab my baby because for me it looked a little difficult.

We have had some friends over this week as well. Suddenly our friends Rikke and Jan from Randers called if they could come by. And Friday we were on a visit at my work. That was such a good visit were we had time to chat to with most of them. I thought they didn’t have the time to chat so I was ready to leave them on their busy own way. I was very happy to see them all again and get all the good news private and work wise as they had for me. My colleagues mean the world to me.

I think we only write every week now because of Mary Ann’s increasing needs.

100208 - UK

I thought being on leave would change me somehow, making me more relaxed. I guess not. Not even when being on leave after a big surgery I can relax. Somehow it is just impossible for me. Then I count the days for being back to work again, getting on with my life. Often I go back to work long before I’m actually ready. I hope I will not do that this time. I guess I won’t. This time I have Mary Ann to take care of. So I need to be as well as possible.
I look so much forward for the daily life, waking up knowing Neil is next to me, having a little quiet time on my own before I wake up the rest of the family, making them all ready, going to work, shopping, picking up Mary Ann, doing the different household choirs, having dinner together. All that which sometimes make people wanting to hurl is my kind of ideal family life.
I’m thinking of my restless self because the Health Visitor guessed right away that I was this kind of person looking at the clock all the time. My motto has always been Carpe Diem – seize the day. I mean it as in grab all the opportunities you got while you can to make the most out of your life. Maybe I should more see it as Be Present! I always look at the time for example when having a little nap. Then I think if Mary Ann and I fall a sleep right now it will give me 30 minutes sleep, then 25 … 20 and so on. I didn’t understand why she easy fall a sleep with Neil and not I. If someone is relaxed like all the time it’s Neil. So no wonder really she can sense that. I could learn much from him. I hope I am through the years spending quality time with him.
I’m totally relaxed when I feed her and often we both fall a sleep after the feed unless I need to do something on the computer, some household things, thinking my many thoughts I simply have to right down etc. As now 6am when finally in bed again. Mary Ann woke me up at 4am being hungry. You should think I could sleep again then, but no. I started thinking of all sorts of things I wanted to write down. If it’s not because of thinking, it’s because of pain in my joints I stay awake. Something I’m so tired that I can sleep no matter what luckily. So I will be alright. It’s more the situation with Mary Ann where I can’t relax I’m thinking of.
I guess I feel a little pressed. I still have all these things because of my health to take care of and in the same time the same health situation is slowing me down more than usually. I find it difficult to be relaxed and spend time with Mary Ann. Tomorrow I go for a meeting with the social adviser at the hospital. I hope that will help my work level a bit. She will continue some different affairs and lawsuits I have with the local authority. She understands me completely and I know she will do a great job. These days it has been a matter of making it all ready for her. My mind is so full of all the new things with Mary Ann and therefore it has been very difficult collecting all the information the social adviser will need. However I think I have it all ready for her now.
I have a little time to finish the papers for tomorrow. The rest of the day we will have a good tea break with some neighbours. They come to meet their new little neighbour Mary Ann. Cecilie is playing with her friend Signe. Like yesterday I think we will watch something together at the telly.

090208 - UK

It’s a little better today with my health and during the day it all got better. I had some problems sleeping because of the rheumatism. So I got up round 4am to do different things I needed to be done. Because then I can concentrate on spending a little more time with Mary Ann the rest of the day instead.
Cecilie went for football and Neil for a meeting with the neighbours. He brought Mary Ann. So I had some time on my own with the computer. The whole purpose of today is keeping Mary Ann more awake so we can have her sleep in the night and awake in the daytime. That worked out very well. We went to bed at 10pm. Perfect.

080208 - UK

Mary Ann has this irritating habit of staying awake the whole night. Neil had only slept for two hours. So I let him sleep and woke Cecilie up. Since it was so late before Cecilie came to bed because of the meeting at school last night I made her breakfast at bed. I drove her to school on my way to water aerobics. I was there an hour before the aerobic class started. I wanted to spend some time in the Jacuzzi and sauna first. My entire joints were aching. I was not sure I could go to the aerobic class at all. After warming up my joints I did go to the class in my own tempo.
I wonder why it is that I feel so bad every Friday and Saturday. It must be something about the chemotherapy medicine I get on the Wednesdays. Normally medicine will make you feel less pain right after you take it and then through out the week for example the effect will reduce. I gathered it would be the same with this (for me new type of) medicine.
Methotrexate (Rheumatrex) is one of the most effective and commonly used medicines to treat various forms of arthritis and other rheumatic conditions. It is known as a disease-modifying antirheumatic drug (DMARD) because it not only decreases the pain and swelling of arthritis but also can reduce damage to joints and the risks of long-term disability. Methotrexate interferes with several enzymes involved in the immune system. By blocking an enzyme in the body called dihydrofolate reductase, methotrexate hinders the production of a form of folic acid important for actively growing cells such as those comprising the skin, blood, gastrointestinal tissues and immune system. However, it is not entirely clear how methotrexate decreases the severity of arthritis. Improvements in arthritis and other rheumatic conditions typically are first seen in 3 to 6 weeks, but the full benefit of methotrexate may not be noticeable until 12 weeks of treatment. Improvements in arthritis and other rheumatic conditions typically are first seen in 3 to 6 weeks, but the full benefit of methotrexate may not be noticeable until 12 weeks of treatment. The most common side effects of methotrexate include nausea or vomiting and abnormalities in liver function tests. Slow hair loss is seen in some patients, but hair grows back when the medication is stopped. I have nausea and loss of hair. However as long as the medicine might work I still carry on. The side effects are the least of two worries. I would like to know though why it is on the Friday I’m feeling most pain. I have to ask the doctor.
Neil going back to bed created a problem for me since we or at least I had to go to the bank meeting. In the day time I can work almost as normal but throughout the day it gets worse and worse. I ended up with my weekly physiotherapy. I was eager finally to get home to Mary Ann after all this. But when I finally reached home, I felt really lousy. I had a little nap with her before dinner. I really had to fight to stay awake. I get so tired when in pain. Finally I went to bed with only a little contact with Mary Ann - again. Oh my, I look forward for the medicine to kick in.

070208 - UK

The day today was planned to every minute. I was busy throughout the day with some financial family planning, making ready for a meeting with the bank tomorrow. Neil went for this Danish class at 10-12am. I got Cecilie up and in she came from school again at 2pm with a friend. I sent them down to the grocery and helped them bake a cake when they came back.
Neil came back round 1pm and a workman came here half an hour later to have a chat about things we want done in the garage. Cecilie’s friend was here to 4pm. At 5pm Neil had dinner ready and he and Cecilie left 5.45 for a pupil/parent meeting unto 9pm. All this meant that is was me being the lucky one home with Mary Ann even on a day were she wanted to smile and make funny faces. Normally it is always me going for the meetings, to hospital, running round planning things and so on all the time. I really needed this day home with her now. How will I have time for all this when I start work again?
We now got the good news; Mary Ann is admitted in the local day nursery as we wanted. They don’t have any stairs so I’m a happy bunny. Now we just have to hope that we get the space from the day when Neil starts work again.

060208 - UK

No such luck as planning on how to sleep with Mary Ann. She can feel that I want her to sleep with me and then she of curse doesn’t want to.
The Health Doctor was pleased with her again yesterday. She said everything was normal about her. Compared to her due day she is a little more mature. So that is fine. However we need to remember to place her on her tummy and on her left side. Her favourite site is the right one which means that her skull is a little awry. Mary Ann has a peppery temper as soon as we move her. She gets angry at us because she wants to be left alone sleeping. That is also okay as long as the Health Doctor again assured us nothing was wrong.
We went to the baby bio today, Neil, Mary Ann and I. Her first time in the movie and she didn’t even realise it. She slept all through the movie.
I can just about remember my first cinema experience, but it's unlikely our daughter will remember hers. Not half as well as we remember it, anyway. For one thing, she slept through most of it. For another, she's only 16 weeks old. As such, she can barely recognise her parent's faces or voices, let alone those of Jerry Seinfeld or Renée Zellweger. So I doubt young Mary Ann fully appreciated the merits of the irreverent cartoon BeeMovie - but we did. A mewling baby is about as welcome in your average multiplex as a ravenous wolf, but cinemas are steadily waking up to the fact that new parents are just as hungry for movies as anyone else - if not more so. The solution is screenings laid on exclusively for parents and their babies, which leave nobody with any right to complain about the mewling. Or the nappy changing, vomit wiping, breastfeeding and other problematic baby-related activities. Movie going is often cited as one of the "outside world" activities parents miss the most, and these dedicated screenings, which can now be found in Aalborg and other cities, have helped convince new parents that their lives have not exploded completely. They're good news for cinemas, too, which are drawing back customers they would otherwise have lost. Furthermore, they can fill the house with an old movie on a weekday afternoon.
We had lunch together in town afterwards. We had such a nice day together Neil and I with Mary Ann on the sideline.

050208 - UK

I have a busy day today. That means yet another day were I don’t spend so much time with Mary Ann as I would like to. The chiropodist comes today to take care of my feet. The cleaning lady comes today. A workman comes to fix my electric rest chair. And the Health visitor comes. Cecilie came here again yesterday so she will come home in the middle of it all. I have to help her with her homework and then she will be off again for her creative lesson.
It is international Pancake Day. So we also want to spent some time making pancakes for dinner filled with different sort of meat. It will be a tight schedule since I also have to go for water aerobic. I will have maybe 1-1,5 hour in the afternoon but I sure I will fall a sleep then. The good thing about not being at work is that I can allow myself to sleep when I suddenly need it. I do feel a bit more tired. Nevertheless I would prefer just spending time with Mary Ann instead. Maybe I can have a little nap with her. Two for the price of one …

040208 - UK

I went to the hospital on my own. I wanted badly to bring Mary Ann however there were snow so I was afraid of bringing her along. It is way too slippery for me with the snow. And Neil was tired after being up 2-3 times in the night.
Is she the most photographed child? It is just so much more fun now when she doesn’t sleep all the time. It is so touching going through the pictures I take of her these days. I see this happy perfect child bright and breezy. She smiles and smiles now. Love it! I can stare at her for hours. Though she finds it difficult to smile and eat in the same time.

030208 - UK

Mary Ann has this Teddy Leon with music which I bought for her. She is getting interested in that now. She also looks up when we use a rattle. These days we use one from Ida, Cecilie’s little sister. Cecilie’s mum gave it to us.
Mary Ann has found a valuable tactic when she needs to slip a wind. She push down both her legs on the edge of her crib and get all red in her face has she press the wind out with a lot of noise. Maybe there’s a man hidden inside her? I wonder when he will pop up. Maybe he was the one giving her this enormous willpower.
We had our friend Bo here the whole afternoon and evening. I let Mary Ann stay more in the room were we all sat. Normally I would place her in her room when having friends. I feel that she is okay with being round people and new voices. It could also activate her so she gets more tired in the evening.
When I came to see that Mary Ann and Neil were up to in the late evening as I was on my way to bed, it was not sleeping. That’s for sure. She made all these funny faces and looked totally adorable. I had to play paparazzi. Look for your self at the slide show I made. Isn’t she the most beautiful baby?

020208 - UK

A quiet day in the house. Neil slept to 3pm because he and Mary Ann were up to 5am. She is so awake in the middle of the night, that it is annoying. We are not use to have difficulties with her. I tried to talk and keep her awake here in the morning. Of curse she is right awake now in the afternoon when I want to write the blog and do other things.
I have started reading to her now. I started with the Bible in child version. Reading to a child, no matter how small, will pay off. It helps the baby develop an ear for the cadence of language -- in fact, varying the pitch of our voice, using accents, singing, and vocalising make the aural connection between us and Mary Ann that much more stimulating. But she looks the other way or loses concentration – I try to adjust her stimulation by trying something else, or give her time to rest. I have read that I should co-ordinate me interactions with her responses and interest. However she doesn’t seem interested at all. She just fall a sleep. She slept all the time and I’m wondering if it’s because she is not mature enough yet.
I also tried to play music for her today. That was fun. She was defiantly fascinated of that. She smiled and made funny grimaces. We got busy to find the camera and record her for the first time on that. When we finally found the camera and got it working she was tired – again.

010208 - UK

It has been a perfect night, all three of us sleeping the whole night in our own beds. We were very busy trying to keep her a little more awake yesterday so she could sleep the whole night. So that plan went well. She ate a lot when I woke her up to feed her 7.30. She also seemed more alert this morning and she smiled. That is still a rare thing for her to do. So I enjoy it a lot every time. She seems like she thrives.
In the last couple of weeks she got small eyelashes and now she is starting to grow eyebrows. In that aspect she is a little immature. She still can’t hold her head but her neck is getting stronger, you can tell. Mary Ann’s hair is getting curlier. I look forward to see how it will turn out.

Mary Ann’s first vaccination was given yesterday. I was happy to learn, she didn’t get any fever of it. In Denmark the first vaccination is given when the baby is 3 month. That is the Diphtheria, tetanus, acellular pertussis (DTaP) vaccine. I think it’s given a baby when 2 month old in England.

Neil’s dad has sent me a lovely letter again which I replied on today and started on the invitation for the christening. We wanted to send it today for the family but forgot to mail it. Now it will not be before Monday. Ugh, I was so happy that I finally came around to making them.

I’m adapting to the full medication now. And finally I’m getting a hang on when to take what. Wednesday I take 18 pills, Thursday 13 and Friday 12 and so on. I’m also getting use to the medicine now. I get dizzy and nauseating on Thursdays after the new drug on Wednesday but Friday I’m okay again. I have cut down on the water aerobics. It seems to be better for my body but I miss it. Although all come in good time.

310108 - UK

Mary Ann sat a new record in the night, as she had 200ml of milk! She cried and cried. We tried everything. We then remembered that she hadn’t pooed the last days. So we tried to give her a little lacunose. We hoped that would help and so it did in the evening. Nothing seemed to comfort her. That was unto Neil gave her some more to eat, when she stopped crying. We apologised a lot for not understanding that the deprived child was hungry - again. How could we know after her having more then double the portion?
Once more I have been up since 2am. It is really irritating. It’s a waist of time because Mary Ann is at sleep and so is Neil. The good thing is that my duties can be done in the night. If it was Neil not being able to sleep we would have had a problem. I went to the living room several times in the night to check on Neil and Mary Ann – not necessarily in that order. Oh my, they looked cute. Mary Ann was wrapped in her blanket and Neil lying on a snip of her duvet so she couldn’t roll out. Mary was lying on the middle of the sofa and Neil up in the corner. I laughed. It was easy to see that he didn’t want to move her now she was finally sleeping. Then he rather be uncomfortable.
Mary Ann had an appointment with the house doctor. It’s very strange for me to go there without being the one having a medical problem for the doctor to solve. Mary Ann was going to have her 3 month vaccination. The secretary told me that Mary Ann had to be well when having it. When I booked the time for today I was sure Mary Ann was fine. But then on the way there I was afraid that she had a little cold. I wondered if that meant anything. I decided that I would just tell the doctor when we came – just in case it wouldn’t be advisable for her to have the vaccination then. It was great to introduce our little Mary Ann to my own doctor whom I have known since childhood. Mary Ann took the injection so nicely. She screamed her lungs out for ten seconds and then she didn’t just settle down. No she felt a sleep again. What have we done to deserve such an easy child? The doctor is next door to my old physical therapist whom we also meet.
Neil and I took Mary Ann with us for lunch in town. We were lucky to find a place were I could sit and which had room and motivation to house Mary Ann. In the same time we had the most wonderful sandwich. We need to go back some other day while we have leave.
On our way home we went to see Neil’s colleagues. He had been looking forward for that. I was keen on getting home quickly though since they have forecasted a heavy storm. Windy weather and I don’t go very well together. So if Neil didn’t want me to blow away we had to have a quick visit.
When we came home Cecilie was surprisingly here. I love when she suddenly comes here. I finally felt a sleep for just half an hour with Mary Ann on top of me. That is also something I love. So many things to love and so little time …

By the way I know what we have done to deserve this lovely strong and easy child, we have survived the shattering disheartening heartbreaking time on hospital in her first 2 months and 2 days.

300108 - UK

We tried the new playpen today. Mary Ann is not feeling comfortable in it yet. It is also very big and must be scary for her. She obviously still needs the typical premature screening. I look forward to use it however. I’m sure it will be a great help for me when playing and talking with her. I made a little slide show to give you an idea about the size and comfort.

She has been so cranky again today. She settles down easier when in movement but she is getting heavier so I don’t like her to get in to that routine. I tried my very best with all my computer tasks and rocking her in the baby sling in the same time. I can’t figure out if I should spend the money on a dream machine which can rock her into sleep or I should try to cure her from that rocking idea. The day nursery wouldn’t have time to rock all the kids into sleep, so it could become a problem if I don’t cure her from the habit.

290108 - UK

It was cleaning day today. So we were busy with the different responsibilities. I went out a bit for the grocery shops on my mini crosser with Mary Ann. It has been a calm day since she just has been sleeping the most of the day.
She is getting more difficult to settle down in the evenings. I tease Neil. He complains about it even though he was the one wanting a night person as him self. He got the daughter he wanted and the personality he wanted. Take care what you wish for, you might get it!

280108 - UK

I had to have my weekly blood test today. Neil and Mary Ann went with me. We had such a lovely day in town. We went to different shops and had late lunch there. We wanted to end up with a visit to a café. We finally found one where we could enter with the pram. But in there I couldn’t sit down anywhere since the seats were either very low or high. We found a good café in the end were we had a nice warm cocoa to end a great day.
I guess my new approach was good with Mary Ann. I tried to keep her more awake in the morning, feed her and changed her nappy before we left. That gave us a quiet child the entire time in town. She didn’t wake up at all. I have learnt something from Friday’s experience in the shopping centre.

I did the same in the evening; trying to keep her more awake so she sleeps well in the night. Neil always feels she’s difficult to settle down in the evening. He doesn’t come to bed before round 3 o’clock because of that. I would like him to go to bed in the same time as me, so I will continue to entertain her a bit more in the daytime.

270108 - UK

It has been valuable to have Cath here for many reasons. Besides the obvious as nice to see her and have longer talks, her to met Mary Ann and so. It was also very beneficial to gain from her mother know-how from her three boys. It was nice to hear her say that Mary Ann’s cry was normal and because she was either hungry, needed a clean nappy and a new way to lie. She could differentiate the meaning of her cries. I’m always so afraid that Mary Ann should feel unhappy for some reason. In the other hand, why should she? She must feel the stable life we have here with lots of closeness, love and laughter. I know babies cry for these reasons. I just wanted to be sure it was not for something else, she cried. Cath’s view on Mary Ann’s cry helped me a lot.

Today was Cath’s last day here unfortunately. We stayed in apart from for a walk down to the local Inn. We wanted to check the rooms we have booked for Mary Ann’s christening. Cath and Cecilie went on their own upstairs the horrifying staircase. They said the rooms were okay. It’s in walking distance from our house. So that makes it easy when the family comes over. Neil’s parent will stay there the whole week before the christening. Neil’s oldest brother Rob (Cath’s husband) will come two days before. He is going to be Mary Ann’s Godfather.

Cecilie and I took Cath to the airport. We had a good chat there as well. I enjoy my talks with Cath. Even though it rare that we are together, we always have great talks. I feel, we see eye to eye on many things. We sat in the airport for maybe round an hour. Cecilie is so well behaved. She didn’t say much while Cath and I talked. At least Cecilie didn’t complain or interrupted us while talking. Not many kids behave that well.

We had a nice afternoon and evening with Cecilie before she goes back to her mum’s tomorrow.

260108 - UK

It’s a special feeling having so many people around who love your offspring. Mary Ann was growing inside ME nonetheless she is loved by so many others. That is special for me to realize. Of curse I knew she would be loved by the rest of the family. However it’s a feeling you can’t comprehend before you have the baby and feel it yourself.
I really feel it these days were Cath is here. And I look so much forward to discover that from the whole family when we get to UK in the summer.
Cath and Cecilie have been in the local swimming pool today on their own. The rest of the day was quiet here at home us watching a DVD with Cecilie again.
We tried to have Mary Ann on the table as suggested by the Health Visitor. We were hoping that Mary Ann would feel the ardour to lift her head to follow our moves. She screamed instead. If it was for the reason that she was not ready to lie there on the stomach or because we were laughing loudly while playing paparazzo’s we would never know. However we did remember to remove the poor child from the table again.

250108 - UK

The visit from Auntie Cath has started in a perfect way. I was feeding Mary Ann in the living room she came here from the airport with Neil looking better then ever. She had Mary Ann on her arm shortly after getting in the door. It was easy to tell that Auntie Cath has been looking forward meeting her new niece. Since the whole family in UK only has boys it is special that Neil had yet a daughter. Yes, it’s the Danes who produce the very special baby girls.

We sad up with Mary Ann half the night, Cath and I. When we finally were ready to go to bed we started talking baby clothes. I had to show Cath some of the nice clothes we got for Mary Ann. And then she in return gave us the most lovely clothes from her self and family, from her parents, from Auntie Margaret in Spain, and from her friend Brenda. So thoughtful of them all. Lovely warm set that can turn inside out which give a other colour set, dresses both for now and later and socks. Socks are a great thing to get and not something people normally think of buying.

Cecilie had to go to school, so I needed to get up very early. Cath also woke up to have breakfast with Cecilie. I have never seen Cecilie getting up and dressed that quickly before. Auntie Cath has her uses. Cecilie gave Auntie Cath all her home made presents before her going to school. Cath and I had planned to go back to bed again when Cecilie left the house, but Mary Ann wanted it differently. We feed Mary Ann and then had a couple of hours before we had to get up again. Cath went to bed, but was always when some extra things are going on, I have a problem sleeping.

At noon Cecilie’s mum came for warm toast and tea. I had invited her after asking Cath if she would like to meet her here. It seemed like both enjoy a good chat here. Tina was here for a couple of hours. She brought some clothes from her youngest daughter. I love the fact that all get on so well. I will like to do my best to keep it like that. It’s important for Cecilie and it’s easy to see that Cecilie enjoy our good relation.

When Cecilie came home, I had to leave for my weekly physiotherapy while they stayed here making Mary Ann 3 month footprints. We left for the shopping centre as I returned to the house. It was just us girls; Mary Ann, Cecilie, Cath and I. Neil is sick like having the flu. I have dread for the situation where Neil gets sick. It’s a luck that his first time getting sick after having Mary Ann is while Cath is here.

Cecilie was a happy bunny in the centre. She were running around through the different shops with Auntie Cath. Unfortunately Mary Ann was not as happy. She started crying after the first ten minutes or so. I gave her a bottle while I was thinking how to do this differently. I have to rethink when I plan to go somewhere with Mary Ann. It was way to hard walking around in the centre and not being able to sit any where. The seats were all too low and uncomfortable. That meant what I had to feed Mary Ann either lying on my arm and when she was lying in her pushchair. I have to find a way to bring my mini crosser in the car. It fits in the car but now with the auto chair fasted on it doesn’t. I can’t get it on and of myself. I defiantly need to find a solution.

Neil was waiting us with the most delicious beef roast. I have already asked Neil to make the same for my birthday in May. We had dessert while watching one of the DVD’s Cecilie bought in the centre. I was exhausted after the long day and all the walking and lifting, so I went to bed before the film finished. An early night can cure everything. I just lied down as Cecilie came with a phone call for me. That was Mary Ann’s Godmother Nips, my dear friend Nina from Copenhagen. As always we had a long chat for 1,5 hours. Normally I don’t like talking that long and specially when I needed the rest, but Neil and Cecilie knows it’s different with Nips. If she needs to talk I’m always there and so is she for me. I only hung up because I could hear Mary Ann being unhappy for some time. I knew Neil was there but when she cries for longer time, I have to see her for myself. Neil stayed up with her and I went to bed again.

By the way: It’s official now; Cecilie’s feet are bigger than mine. I feel fragile next to her now. She is so big boned and width over her back. Her leg muscles are at least double my size. She was trying to wrestle me yesterday. She sometimes uses that approach to get close. But just for the record: she still couldn’t beat me!

240108 - UK

Finally the day are here. Auntie Cath will come tonight. I’m just back from water aerobic and Cecilie is in bed. Mary Ann fast a sleep and Neil in the shower. He will pick up Auntie Cath on his own while I stay here with the girls.
Neil has started Danish Course this morning. He will go every Thursday. So I had the morning on my own. I had the opportunity to do a lot of different secretarial things. I have book a place for Mary Ann’s day nursery close by. It’s booked for June 12. I think that will be the actual date. We are not quit sure yet about all rules of our leave. It will not be before then. So we can always push the date a little.

230108 - UK

Mary Ann is still very cranky. Especially round bottle time. She hasn’t poohed the last couple of days. So I hope that’s just why her temper is red-hot.
My friend Alaa couldn’t come today anyway. So the day was quiet but still busy. Hmm I wonder with that.
We have made our self ready to welcome Auntie Cath here tomorrow. We are looking forward seeing her here.

The story about her name

I was sure I was expecting a boy so why bother finding a girl name? We talked about many different names and finally we came up with a good name – for a boy. Girl names were never discussed much even though Neil and Cecilie were pretty sure and desperately hoping that I was expecting a girl.
We talked about the fun in telling Neil’s family that our girl should be called Mary. Neil’s parents call me Mary because Cecilie’s mum is also named Tina.
I would prefer to be called my own name. I know it’s normal for people in England to call people something different. But for me and other Danes it’s a strange thing. In fact for some it seems a little disrespectful. If it was for a short term it would be bearable. But I’m here for keeps.

So we tried to find a solution. Some of the cousins now call me “Faster Tina” as is the Danish name for Auntie. Cecilie’s mum is then still called Auntie Tina. The situation is sorted for the kids. Now we need a solution for the adults.

Neil and I talked. If we called our baby girl Mary, they couldn’t keep on calling me Mary. Then they would have to use my real name. It is also a beautiful name. But it was only for fun, we had that talk. It would be a little too complicated to realize, we agreed.

As you know everything went very fast. Suddenly the baby was born. And to my big surprise, it was a girl. I thought Neil had made the staff tease me. I simply didn’t believe it was a girl. But it was and we didn’t have a name for her. We had to find one for her quickly. Or it became Neil’s job as I was too sick. I couldn’t have a normal conversation or discuses a name for a child I hadn’t seen or understood was here.
Neil got nervous. His Tina couldn’t make any decisions, something must be very wrong then. Amusingly he shook me and asked: “Where is my Tina? Spit her out! I want her back!” Neil had to take some decision about the name on his own. The only name he could remember we had talked about was Mary. So she was called Mary for several days. Neil’s mum often called Neil at home while we were admitted. I’m sure the name Mary was repeatedly discussed. In the end she suggested that we should add an Ann to the name Mary.
Still I couldn’t handle more choices. I was just started to get better but I needed some time and space with my new baby. I had no enthusiasm to make any pronouncement what so ever.
One day I sat with my little baby girl. Everything was relaxed and calm. Neil had the courage to ask me again about the name Mary Ann. I looked down at her and all of a sudden I saw it as a great name. It works fine in DK and UK as well.
Mary is a name for a princess and Ann is the name for a strong person, after my understanding. How could it be any better then that?

Historien om Mary Ann’s navn

Det var faktisk slet ikke meningen, at vi ville kalde vores barn Mary Ann. Jeg følte mig i øvrigt også overbevist om, at det var en dreng. Måske var det efter min sædvanlige devise: Forvent det ”værste”… Ikke forstået på den måde, at det ville være forfærdeligt at få en dreng. Så længe det er et sundt og lykkeligt barn, er det jo top. Men jeg har altid været usikker på, om jeg mon kunne tumle sådan en lille vild dreng. For sådan er drenge jo, ikk? Lige så vel som piger er stille og rolige?

Da jeg lærte Neil at kende, var det da også en stor glæde at vide, at han netop havde en pige og ikke en dreng, der ville tumle, slås, klatre i træer, jeg ikke kunne få hende ned af og spille fodbold, jeg ikke kunne forholde mig til. Når nu det skulle være med den der pakkeløsning mand og barn på én gang. Men jeg bliver jo klogere hele tiden. Jeg måtte også erfare, at nej, piger er ikke altid blot sådan nogle stille og rolige nogle. Cecilie er nok mere i virkeligheden en drengepige. Hun elskede at møffe rundt med mig, da hun var lille. Så skulle vi ”klare hinanden”. Så gik det lystigt for sig. Hun sad fast i et træ, hvor det alligevel lykkedes mig at få hende ned. Jeg har været med til utallige fodboldkampe, hvor hun stolt har vist, hvor dygtig hun er. Og alting er jo gået fint og i virkeligheden ret uproblematisk.

Så at jeg ventede en dreng, var vel også helt okay. Jeg blev aldrig kønsskannet. Jeg synes faktisk, det er noget pjat, at man skal vide alting på forhånd. I øvrigt har jeg oplevet flere, der har været skuffet og overrasket, da det så ikke blevet det forudsagte køn alligevel. Så hvorfor bruge energien på det?
Men et navn skulle vi jo have fundet – til drengen jeg ventede. Så vi snakkede alle mulige drengenavne. Pigenavne diskuterede vi ikke særlig meget. Vi lavede meget sjov med det. Det kunne vel nok være sjovt at kalde hende Mary. Altså hvis nu det skulle blive en pige mod alle ods. Det vil sige mine ods. For Neil og Cecilie har hele tiden regnet og håbet inderligt på, at det blev en pige.

Det sjove ved, at vi ville kalde hende Mary er, fordi Neils forældre kalder mig Mary. Det gør de, fordi Cecilies mor også hedder Tina. Det kan de simpelthen ikke finde ud af. Selvom det tit er ret åbenlyst i sammenhængen, hvem det er, han taler om. Det er irriterende, da jeg gerne vil tiltales med mit navn. Jeg kan forstå, hvis jeg var her midlertidig. Men jeg har ikke tænkt mig at gå nogle steder. Så en brugbar løsning kunne være godt. Vores ene svigerinde fandt så ud af den geniale løsning med sine drenge, at jeg kunne blive kaldt ”Faster Tina” af dem. De kalder Cecilies mor ”Auntie Tina” og så er alle glade. Så langt så godt.
Neil og jeg snakkede så om, at vi ville holde navnet på barnet hemmeligt. Og så ville vi bare sige, at en evt. pige skulle hedde Mary. Sådan for at lave et statement.

Men tingene gik jo slet ikke som planlagt. Pludselig skulle jeg have vores barn under ret dramatiske former. Midt i det hele stod den stakkels Neil og måtte pludselig træffe nogle store beslutninger alene. Jeg var helt væk af medicin og blev jo indlagt på intensiv i nogle dage. Jeg kunne ikke forholde mig til, at jeg havde født overhovedet. Jeg fattede heller ikke, at det så var en pige. Faktisk troede jeg ikke på det, da Neil sagde det til mig. Personalet sagde det så også. Men jeg troede, Neil havde fået dem til at bilde mig ind, at det var en pige. Personalet blev ved med at spørge Neil om et navn. Han har helt sikkert følt, at hun skulle have et navn. Det hele gik så hurtigt. Og ville hun nu overleve? Det eneste han kunne komme i tanke om var, at vi havde talt om Mary.
Han spurgte mange gange, mens jeg var på intensiv allerede og de efterfølgende dage. Jeg sagde bare, at det måtte vi se på. Men lige ind til videre var det et okay navn. Men det duede jo ikke rent praktisk. Der ville det være alt for forvirrende, når hans forældre også kaldte mig Mary.

Neils mor har sikkert også syntes, at det var skørt med det navn. Hun ringede hjem til Neil, mens vi var indlagt mindst én gang dagligt. Så snakken om navnet kom ofte op. Til sidst foreslog hun, om det ikke kunne ende på Mary Ann. Lige i starten Neil præsenterede navne-ideen for mig, var jeg ikke begejstret. Ikke rettere jeg havde stadig ikke nogen holdning. Neil var ved at gå i panik. Hans Tina uden en holdning. Jeg måtte være meget syg så. Han rystede mig for sjov: ”Hvor er min Tina henne? Spyt hende ud! Jeg vil have hende tilbage!”. Der gik et par dage. Der var efterhånden mere ro på det hele. Jeg var ved at være mere frisk. Jeg fik lov til at sidde med min lille baby. Når man sidder der helt afslappet, kan man ofte bedre overskue tingene. Også de store beslutninger. Neil dristede sig til at spørge mig igen om navnet Mary Ann. Tænk sig. Overraskende nok kunne jeg nu se lyset i det navn. Det kunne slet og ret ikke være anderledes, da jeg sad der roligt og kiggede ned på hende. Mary er et prinsesse navn, men navnet Ann er til én stærk person. God blanding som vores lille - Mary Ann jo er.
Folk kender det engelske navn Mary pga. kronprinsessen. Og Ann er jo også et dansk navn. Så det burde være i vinkel. Vi snakkede så lidt frem og tilbage om, det skulle være med eller uden bindestreg. Men vi besluttede os for, at det skulle være uden. Så kan hun altid bruge bare det ene navn, hvis hun vil. Måske kommer der uforudset en masse, der hedder Mary. Så kan hun bruge navnet Ann alene. Men jeg tror, navnet ofte skal staves desværre. Så nu har det stakkels barn et dobbelt navn og et efternavn, der skal staves igennem fra ende til anden. Jeg håber, hun lever godt alligevel trods besværet.

220108 - UK

Mary Ann’s first visit at a coffee shop was today. It was nice to go to town with her and my friend Astrid. Astrid is the one going with me to water aerobic. She is pregnant and very eager to hold babies. That gave me the chance to finish my lunch at the coffee shop.
Must of the time Mary Ann just slept but she woke up when we were almost done. Astrid gave her the bottle. We talked about the good thing with Mary Ann being use to having different nurses feeding her. She doesn’t mind other people giving her the bottle or cuddle her. That make’s it a lot easier to have someone babysit her. Astrid is babysitting Mary Ann the 27 of February were I’m going for a telescope examination which I’m very nervous about. Neil has to go with me since I’m not allowed to drive or be alone afterwards.
We walked quit a bit in town. So when we came home I felt a sleep. Very deeply for 1,5 hours. So deep I didn’t hear the mice fart. It’s a very long time since I have been able to sleep that heavy. It was amazing.
Mary Ann is more demanding now. She cries more. I think it’s because she likes to lie differently and be more entertained now. She is growing up. And we love it!

210108 - UK

The health visitor came again today. We didn’t really have anything to discuss with her. It seems a little as waste of time. She weighted Mary Ann again of curse and that was it. I presume the Health visitor could feel it, because she suggested that she doesn’t come back before in 15 days. That’s fine by us.
It is also a bit of rush for me every Monday since I have to go for the blood test in the morning and then hurry back. She is never on time but we have to be here at the time in case.
Cecilie came back to stay with us today and not even an hour after the Health visitor had left, we left the house. We were going to eat in our friend Hamed’s restaurant.
Later in the evening the strangest thing happened to me. An old old friend suddenly wrote me after being out of contact for round nine years! She was thinking of me still, googled me and then had the courage to write me! So now we write and write.

200108 - UK

Today we visited Grandma. We waited to the afternoon as planned and just as we were ready, Mary Ann was ready to eat again. So we had to come a little later then planned. When we came to see Grandma Mary Ann wanted to eat again. Grandma gave Mary Ann bottle with success. So Neil and I just sat and had our tea and cake which Grandma had ready for us.
Mary Ann is beginning to ask for more food then normal. So that’s great!
After the visit I wanted to invite Neil out for dinner. That was impossible since we were not allowed anywhere with the pram. Luckily I remembered a place where we could buy some nice take out that was a little different then what you normally get fast food wise. So we had a lamb chop.

190108 - UK

It has been a great day with friends coming over today. Gitte and Paul were here in the morning with their kids. We had lunch together. They brought Mary Ann a nice Fischer Price toy. It is fun to reflect about Mary Ann one day playing around in the house.
Anne Dorte came an hour later with her girls. They were invited for dinner. Mary Ann took it all nicely but I also kept her in her own room the most of the time so she didn’t feel all the commotion. Luckily my I was feeling better today. Thus it was a very pleasant day. We took some nice photos of them all.

180108 - UK

Today is Mary Ann’s 3 month birthday. It is still a little funny to think about her birth just few months ago. We will still make her footprint as they did at the hospital.
Today has been all wrong. In the morning with water aerobic I had a lot of exercises I couldn’t do all of a sudden. My physiotherapist did tell me yesterday that I should cut down a bit on the daily water aerobics. I enjoy the exercises so much and normally it helps me quit a bit. It is so difficult to comprehend that I can’t do what I’m normally able to. I feel pain in all my joints, kind of like when you have the flu. I have been feeling tired and edgy the whole day. The same has Mary Ann. So we are a pretty pair the two of us. I never really know how to tell Neil what’s the problem. I don’t like to tell about my pain, but today I had to. I needed him to change Mary Ann while I had her. He was busy with something else with the house. So an explanation was needed today. I do hope I feel better tomorrow where we will have some friends over in the morning and some others in the evening. We have been looking greatly forward having guests.
The good thing about today is that I was still able to do the most with Mary Ann. I found some good ways of doing things.
… Okay, another good thing. In this very moment Neil comes with dinner served here by the computer with a kiss and a smile.

170108 - UK

Mary Ann is still asking for a lot more food and then for something indefinable. She is cranky. I sat with her to try to settle her down.
I tried to go through the rest of the clothes today. But it was very hard. I could feel the bending down and lifting a lot. So I had to take a nap to rest the body and after that I gave up doing it on my own. I will ask my friend Alaa to help when she comes Wednesday.
I got the new special made playpen now. It is as tall as I am. It will be a great help having Mary Ann in there in stead on the floor. In that way I’m able to have eye contacts with her and of curse don’t have to lift her up from the floor. It is safe and functional for her and I. In the same time it is very beautiful craft work. That’s a nice bonus when it has to stand in our living room for years.

160108 - UK

Mary Ann slept from 9pm-8am!
Our bedrooms smell nice of Hamed and Alaa. That’s because of all their clothes, we got for Mary Ann. I tried to go through some of it today. That will take very long since there are tons of clothes.
Mary Ann eats very well today, round double of her normal amount. And we love it! She eats so well even though our friend Lene Lau was here. Amazing. We had a lovely afternoon/evening with Lene who both brought dinner and present for Mary Ann. She got the most charming old-fashioned horse carousel with music.

150108 - UK

We had a wonderful day with our friends Hamed and Alaa this afternoon and evening. Mary Ann slept the most of the time except in the beginning. Which was fine since Alaa was impatient to hold her and talk with her. Suddenly noises can be too much for Mary Ann, but still she is able to eat in the middle of it all. I gave her round 80-90ml formula in the start of our visit. She cried a little in the end of our stay, that was all. Neil and I don’t have Mary Ann out of the house for that long in a row. We would still like to protect her a bit.
Alaa has just been in Germany with her family in 50 long days. So it was great to see them again. They invited us for supper and we stayed there as long as we could. We got home five minutes before my friend Astrid meet me at our house and we left for water aerobic together. Alaa had two gigantic bags of clothes for us to take with us to our house. That means that we have clothes for Mary Ann till she turns two years old! And after that Alaa will have a lot more for us all the way through Mary Ann’s childhood. Their girl Axin is 3 years old. So we can just keep on getting clothes from them. That is so grand.
We made a plan of meeting at my house once a week, Alaa and I. She is also home and when her kids are in the day nursery, she can spend time with me as long as I’m of work. I look so greatly forward for that! We also arranged to meet with Hamed. That will be Monday where he invited us out for a steak in his restaurant. We haven’t been in his new restaurant yet, so it’s about time we go there. That will be a nice break for Cecilie as well. We have to entertain her even more next week for the day to pass. She knows that Auntie Cath is coming from UK Thursday next week, so we better help her spend the days before. She is very eager to se Auntie Cath again – and so are we.

140108 - UK

Today I had to buy a new kind of formula because … she is now 3kg! It’s funny how Mary Ann often lands on hundred something on the scale. The 3kg calls for another kind of formula for normal newborns. The Health Visitor was still pleased with Mary Ann. She assured me that the vomiting didn’t mean anything as long as it’s not after every meal. She would like to come every Monday. That is of curse fine with us.

130108 - UK

It’s going a lot better for Neil with feeding Mary Ann now. The Health Visitor will come again tomorrow. Last Monday he surprised me by talking with her about his feeding problems. I wonder if he will discuses that or something else with her tomorrow. We always have a little brief chat before she comes, if there’s anything united on our minds regarding Mary Ann.
It is a little funny with Neil because he has a tendency to tell other people all his opinions in long explanations. But he had never told me in many words that he liked the ides of this blog. Now I have heard him mentioned it to several people; we write everything in our blog. It was just for my family to keep track of Mary Ann’s life, but so and so many people have read it and they come from all over.
Mary Ann brought up the milk again today and vomit. Why do I mention that, since it a normal thing for babies to spit? Because so many things are not standard with Mary Ann. Nor is vomiting. And this is not what I call spitting. Her first time vomiting was New Year on Cecilie as describe here at the blog. Since then she has done it three times. The last two times in the last two days and once again right now. Is her vomiting linked to feeding problems, such as overfeeding or indigestion? Or because of an allergy to proteins in the formula? I asked the Health Visitor last Monday if we should be alert when she vomits. She said no, but now I feel we should. I will ask her again tomorrow.

120108 - UK

Cecilie melted my heart again today and Mary Ann has found the use of her fingers.

Cecilie suddenly made me this tea cup with the words “worlds best bonus mother” and a little picture of me sleeping in my good chair. Isn’t she cute?

Mary Ann found that fingers can be used to put in your mouth. It was our first time to see her suck on her tomb. She is so much more alert now. She looks and looks at us, Cecilie and just around. Neil thought something was wrong in the night when she was still awake. But I think it’s just because she is getting older. Neil stayed up with her because she was awake. I would have tucked her up, because in the night she should sleep. I don’t want a baby that doesn’t understand that she should sleep in the night. So today I have tried to entertain her more, so she gets sleepy in the night.

Research shows that babies whose parents speak to them extensively have significantly higher IQs and bigger vocabularies when they get older than other children, so interaction is especially important right now. We try to set a solid foundation by exposing Mary Ann to a variety of words.We talk about your surroundings when we take her for a walk, and point to and identify objects. Of curse she can’t repeat these words yet, but she should be able storing all the information in her rapidly developing memory. Since our home is bilingual, we think Mary Ann will benefit from hearing both languages spoken regularly. We heard that some of her verbal skills may seem to lag a bit at first. But she will not only catch up later, but she may also excel in her general language skills. That is our hope. That’s way Neil has spoken English with her since her 5th week.

110108 - UK

I thought Neil blamed me the other day. I should have known better, he never would. But my mother bear brain was not thinking clearly. I carried Mary Ann for about 10-15 minutes but all of a sudden I felt this strong pain. I could carry her, but wanted rather to place her somewhere. There was no place at the hospital to put her and all our things where left on the floor by Neil. He was no where to see. I had no idea what to do. I couldn’t get the things on the floor while holding Mary Ann. I thought about kicking our things down the hall to a place where I could place Mary Ann while waiting for him. When Neil came, he saw in my face something was wrong. I told him that he had to take Mary Ann quickly. He surprised said that I didn’t hold her for that long. That made me sad. I felt that he was blaming me for not being able to hold her for a longer time. That was silly of me. Finally in the evening I told him that made me sad, with the long explanation naturally: I was just trying me very best. I would prefer to be able to do it all with Mary Ann on my very own if I could. But I rather back out if I’m sure I can handle things. And then the sweet guy just says; Yes, I know. I just said you didn’t hold her for long as in we have to remember that you might not be able to hold her that long on your own without server pain. We better plan it differently then in stead of you feeling all this pain.
Then I kick myself and wonder why is it that I suddenly forget what Neil is all about? After all the things we have been through. My conclusion is that it was me acting as a mother bear and not being able to think of anything else but protecting my little bear cub and my own pride as a mother in the same time.

Is their a law that lets you keep what you got if you show you really cherish your treasure?

100108 - UK

Mary Ann has radar that activates every time we are ready to have diner here. Normally that radar belonged to Neil’s mum who always called when we sat down at the table. I guess the ability goes through generations. Today I was lucky to have just some of Neil’s fish dish before I went for the daily water aerobic.
Yet again we had a nice afternoon with Cecilie watching a dvd. We are all very relaxed here. Mary Ann slept the whole night, 8-9 hours.

090108 - UK

Addiction is the key word today. I’m addicted to Neil and Mary Ann, I think. I had an appointment with the rheumatologist today. In the same time Mary Ann and Neil went for a blood test. I could see them 20 metres away through several windows and I wanted badly to be with them. I was wondering if I got addicted to them. At first I found it perfect that they could go to the other side of the hospital in the same time as I had an appointment. But when I sat there looking at them far far away, I just wanted to be there with them. I have to appreciate the idea of Neil being there with her though, because I hate seeing someone sticking Mary Ann. Neil doesn’t mind. He’s just happy it’s not himself having the blood test. I rather have it myself.
Before all this Mary Ann had a heart scan again today. Once again it showed everything was okay. But they would like to make a new one in 6-8 weeks time to make sure that the pressure in both heart cambers are fine as well. Immature babies are often a little slower to adjust these things.
The rheumatologist finally gave me some standard medicine which I hope will help me in the next 3-4 months time. Today I had the answer I already kind of knew. My rheumatism has been server activated. I knew that because I felt it badly. For the last two years I wanted them to understand something is going on with my rheumatism. But it’s not before now after the birth that all the signs have been there. Even though it’s a tough message, it’s also a valuable one. Because when the rheumatism is active I can get medicine to stop it all. The pain is the same of curse not matter the message. But it has given me a hope of a change today. When my rheumatism is stabled with the medicine I can go back to work.
I might be adicted to the new medicine now and not to Neil and Mary Ann ...

080108 - UK

We had a nice time together all four of us. Mary Ann was sleeping with me when Neil, Cecilie and I watched “Police Academy 5” together. We made pop corn and sat in our pyjamas. I love when we do that. It’s a rare occasion because we normally never can find a film, Neil wants to see again. It’s never a matter of finding a film, Neil never has seen. Such movies are not existing, it seems. It was a nice way to show Cecilie we had missed her for the last week where she hasn’t been here.

The big age difference is also calling for a big challenge for me. There’s of curse a huge difference between the needs from Mary Ann and Cecilie. I find it interesting. While I feed Mary Ann who screams like being hit when she’s hungry, I discuss music, perfume and female body changes with Cecilie. The variation of life is so fascinating.
Before then I had been to town for the hairdresser. It was great to be pampered a bit. I got a lot of energy to spend with this wonderful family.

070108 - UK

Mary Ann is acting sicker today. I think it’s her stomach. She is crying a lot. Or not a lot. But a lot more then usually. Typically she only cries when hungry. The Health Visitor, Nina came for the first time. She was pleased with Mary Ann. She gave Neil some ideas for feeding Mary Ann. Mary Ann is now 2850g heavy, 50,5 cm long and her head is now 34,7cm. Nina will be back in a week.
Ssince I'm also sick, I go to bed now already, so it's short today.

060108 - UK

We visited our friend Kis today. It was nice to see her again even though it was hard to see her having problems with her leg all over again. We had such a nice afternoon/evening with her. She held Mary Ann for four hours I think. Mary Ann had 100ml in the middle of it all. It was nice to see that she could concentrate on eating when I gave her the bottle. You could expect that she felt disturb by her new fan ;-) Kis is my old time friend. She is the dearest warmest lady and I felt very blessed with all the kindness she show us and our Mary Ann. She had flags outside her door to celebrate her first time to meet Mary Ann. Kis is so unique. In the end it got too much for Mary Ann. Kis had some other visitors and the commotion made her cry. She still needs to be protected a little extra from the world around her. I could feel it coming, so I had already dressed her before she started screaming loudly.

Nytårshilsen!

Godt nytår! Vi håber, det er forløbet fredeligt og julen blev veloverstået.
Så er vi jo kommet hjem og godt ind i det nye år med Mary Ann. Hun trives godt og vi med hende. Som næsten alle andre forælde, ville vi godt, hvis hun spiste mere. Men jeg tror bare, hun er en små spisende person. Hun har det fint og har flere vågne stunder nu, selvom hun stadig sover det meste af tiden. Hun græder, når hun vil spise, skiftes eller ligge anderledes. Som noget nyt er hun begyndt at spørge/græde lidt efter tæthed. Så kommer hun lidt op, og så snakker vi lidt, og hun falder i søvn igen. Hun er ikke helt så vågen, som andre babyer ville være som knap 3 måneder gamle. På den måde kan man godt mærke, at hun først skulle være født nytårsaften. Vi fejrede ellers terminsdagen med toppen fra vores bryllupskage. Det var lidt tankevækkende for mig. Tænkt alt det der er sket. Jeg er nu også kommet så langt, at jeg ikke kunne ønske mig noget som helst anderledes. Det er en dejlig følelse endelig at være glad og tilfreds efter al dramatikken.
Vi snakkede om vores lykke i går. Jeg spurgte Neil, om han stadig var lykkelig, og om der var noget, han manglede. Det eneste der kunne gøre ham lidt mere lykkelig var nok lige nogle fisk i en bowle. Ak ja, det er selvfølgelig også vigtigt med de mindre ting her i livet. Så jeg må hellere få fat i et lille akvarium til ham. Manden skal da være top lykkelig ;-)
Hun er blevet forkølet. Hun nyser lidt og er lidt snottet. Men nu er hun jo stærk, så det er ikke det store problem. Vi passer dog godt på, at hun ikke bliver syg. Det er nu mere, fordi vi så er bange for, at hun ikke vil spise så godt. Hun har fået et par små strømper på hænderne. Der er desværre lidt koldt her i huset til trods for, at der er skruet godt op. Vi nåede at få efterisoleret huset og ordne radiatorerne, mens hun var indlagt. Det var det gode ved, at hun var indlagt. Hvis man skal se praktisk på det. En anden god ting ved hele den omgang er, at vi følte os godt rustet til at få hende med hjem der op til jul, hvor vi kom hjem på orlov den 20. december. Der havde vi været indlagt med hende i fire dage begge to. Hvor jeg dog var frem og tilbage pga. hunden bl.a. Vi blev så helt udskrevet den 27. december, hvor Mary Ann blev vejet til 2570g. Eneste minus ved, at vi nu ikke skal komme på hospitalet mere er, at vi så ikke kan få hende vejet. Vi skal også prøve at slippe det der med at kontrollere alting. Vi må nu stille os tilfredse med, at hun spiser det, hun kan. Men det kører alligevel i baghovedet, jeg ved, hun spiser ca. halvdelen af, hvad hun burde. Jeg prøver at stille mig til tåls med, at hvis jeg ammede hende, ville vi alligevel ikke ane, hvor meget hun fik. Jeg tror også, at det er mere frustrerende for Neil. Desværre tror jeg også, at hun kan mærke det, når han skal give hende flaske. Jeg får hende så tanket godt op med flasken. Hen ad vejen tror jeg, det hele falder på plads. Vi skal have sundhedsplejersken til at komme, når hun er tilbage fra ferie. Så følger hun jo op på det hele. Jeg er nok mere spændt på at tale med hende om følgevirkningerne af at være så tidligt født. Jeg vil jo helst have kontrol med det hele, og jeg har det træls med, at jeg ikke kan få at vide, om hun vil lide nogle mén. Alle de fysiske test med hjerne, hjerte, øjne osv. går fint. Hun består dem alle. Men langt vigtigere er det mentale og udviklingsmæssige, tænker jeg. Måske er jeg også bare lidt skadet af erfaringer, det er nemmere at gøre noget ved det fysiske, tænker jeg. Alt det andet ved jeg ikke noget om. Jeg skal jo helst vide alt ;-)
Jeg føler, jeg kan langt det meste med Mary Ann. Så det har været en positiv oplevelse. Jeg vil ikke sige overraskelse, for jeg har jo mest forventet, at jeg ville kunne det hele. Men som altid har vi planlagt efter værst tænkelige. Forvent det værste, men håb det bedste. Det fungerer stadig godt.
Vi har for længst fundet en god rytme. Hun sover nu på sit eget værelse. Hun vækker os så en enkelt gang om natten. Det er som regel, Neil der tager den tørn, ligesom han også giver hende mad ret sent på aftenen. Så står jeg så tidligt op, når hun kalder på mad igen. Det kører egentlig rigtig godt. Dvs. jeg bare står lidt tidligere op end normalt, og Neil går i seng lidt senere end normalt. Det passer utroligt godt til, hvordan vi hver især fungerer bedst. Så vi føler ikke, der er noget vi har ofret. Det går helt, som vi havde planlagt det. Indtil videre, men tingene kan jo ikke helt skrives i sten med børn.
Rytmen passer også godt i forhold til Cecilie, der jo er vant til at det er mig, der sender hende i skole. Hun er som altid smadder sød og hjælpsom. Cecilie har også kunnet sove uden forstyrrelser fra Mary Ann på denne her måde. Det er også vigtigt for, at Cecilie kan trives og følge med i skolen. Den eneste ting vi dog nok skal have lavet lidt om på er Mary Ann’s spisning lige før vores aftensmad. Jeg giver hende normal flaske der, fordi Neil laver aftensmaden. Men Neil bør give Mary Ann mad noget tiere for, at han har helt styr på det, inden jeg skal starte på arbejde igen. Dvs. at jeg ak og ve skal til at lave aftensmad.

Neil skal starte efter endt barsel og ferie på arbejde igen mandag d. 11. august, hvor Mary Ann så skal starte op i vuggestue. Jeg er sygemeldt og skal jo i gang med nyt gigtmedicin, som de ikke lige helt har fundet ud af endnu, hvad skal være. Når det nye medicin virker godt, skal jeg på arbejde igen. Jeg forestiller mig, at det bliver omkring marts/april. Jeg tror stadig, det er den eneste rigtige beslutning for os, at Neil har barsel. Med mit halvtidsjob får vi meget mere tid sammen og overskud i hverdagen.
Vi har fået lidt rengøringshjælp, og vi er kommet af med Tiree. Alt sammen giver flere ressourcer. Men det med Tiree er så trist og har været hårdt. Vi har længe talt om, at vi nok blev nød til at komme af med hende. Vi kan ikke aktivere hende nok pga. manglende overskud. Det er synd for hende. Derfor håbede vi på at finde en rigtig sød familie til hende. Vi ville vælge at vente med at skille os af med hende til, vi var sikre på, at vi havde fundet det rette sted til hende. Vi har nu fundet en familie, som vi føler, vil give Tiree alt det, vi overhovedet kan ønske os for hende. Derfor er Tiree nu flyttet med alle sine ting ned til dem på Als. Vi har fået lov til at følge hende via deres hjemmeside. Det er fantastisk at have disse nymoderne muligheder. De er så søde allerede at have skrevet om Tiree, så vi kan sikre os, at hun har det godt langt væk hjemmefra os. Vi har også fået mail fra dem.
Vi har fået mange fine jule- og nytårshilsener. Tusind tak for det! Flere af dem går på, at I tror, vi har for travlt til besøg. Men det har vi slet ikke. Vi vil meget gerne se de af jer, der måtte have lyst til at komme på besøg. Vi går jo begge hjemme, så vi har fin tid.

050108 - UK

Mary Ann is having a cold. Of curse I’m to blame since I have a bad throat these days. Neil doesn’t allow me to kiss her now. So I sneak a kiss on her hair once a while when he doesn’t see it.
We had a quiet day doing nothing. Finally I came around to write on my blog again after many days. Mary Ann was lying here with me. My next project is to write back all the friends who have sent us Christmas cards. I didn’t send any this Christmas. I want to answer back because a lot write as we are to busy to have visitors. But no, we are absolutely not busy. Things are going great. We are relaxed and going in the same routine every day. So we better do something to see some people now.
Neil is so cute, introducing Mary Ann to all his airplanes. When I hear him walking around the house with Mary Ann on his arm telling her all the details about his great passion, I have to smile. He showed her the plain he made and named Mary. He is hoping that she gets interested in this as much as him. "I hope you get as interested as Zabrina who goes with her daddy to model shows", he tells the poor child who rather wants to sleep. Zabrina is the daughter of Neil’s only “model friend”, Jan. "Is my lucky number 3?", he suddenly calls. "No Neil, that’s mine. Your lucky number is 7". My dear husband might be cute - but getting old.

040108 - UK

Mary Ann should know that whatever she turns out to be, we love her this much from the very beginning. And she is only beginning to become the wonderful, powerful person that we can’t wait to get to know even better. But I have a little worry. I can’t shake the feeling off. What if she has some harm later on because she came so early? Neil and I watched a program about preemies. The key in the program was that the harm can come many years later when they are born too early. The earlier the more harm can come to them. I write my worries here but I would not like to discuss it with anyone. So now I mentioned it and that’s it.
Tiree moved out today with all her things. It was sad but the best for her without a doubt. But I miss her so much already. We are invited to come and visit her in the summer. I will look forward for that.
It’s Mary Ann’s great grand mother’s birthday. We didn’t go there because of the whole Tiree situation. I’m sure my grand mother doesn’t even realize it’s her birthday. We will go and see her some other time.