061207 - UK

I find it so hard with letting Mary Ann notify us when she’s hungry. The thing is that she doesn’t notify us. Not here in the beginning at least. I think it’s normal, but it’s still hard. I’m afraid she doesn’t get enough to eat. For more than 9 weeks it has been the most important thing, to make her eat a specific amount every day. And now we are supposed to stop controlling it. That is hard. But they will give her some in the night by tube, if they feel she is getting too little nutrition.

She is up to 2180g now. We let her eat by our own bottle now. That means that we have to try different types to find the right one for her as well. That is also difficult. Especially when she doesn’t feel like open her mouth. But I’m glad we’re not alone on the task. It’s a lot easier at the hospital with professionals. Though, I dream for the day where they agree about their advices for us. It’s frustrating to have new feeling for every change of watch. I will count on the day where we as parents feel more secure to take the advices we agree upon and tell them to stick to those. That day will come quicker then the day where they agree with one another.
I talked with a friend today about baby passion. I have never had this desire of having a baby. But I have had a dream of a family on my own. I dreamt of having a child I could spoil with love, raise with/and give confidence, security, strength, boundaries and happiness. It is therefore typical for me, that I see her as my daughter, our little human not as a baby. But it doesn’t change the fact that I of curse want to give her closeness, love and cuddle. She is my child and that is what she needs from us. It’s the stage she’s in. I just enjoy the moment. The moment is now that I can spoil her with cuddle. Way to quick she gets so old where she won’t allow me all the cuddles. But I also do look forward for the strange where I can do something else but see to she’s getting something in by eating and getting something out by pooh … and sleep.